What's KP Thinking?

Category: life

• Covid Drove Me Inside…In More Ways Than One.

  Posted at 4:44 pm by kpodulka, on August 11, 2020

  

  We’re now 5 months into the pandemic, and I’m taking stock. What has this time taught me? What has it brought out in me? How has it changed me? Is it even possible to be the same person on the other side of this thing? Let’s explore.

  Inside My Home

  Back in March, we were all told to go inside and stay inside for our own safety. At first it felt scary, but necessary. My family and I played puzzles, baked bread, hoarded toilet paper and Clorox, and downloaded Zoom. I found it almost a relief to take pause…to have an excuse to forgo all previous obligations. I could stop going to the gym, stop taking the kids to school and sports, stop going to dentist and ortho appointments, stop wearing makeup, bras, (anything other than pajamas really), stop going crazy with my over scheduled, overwhelming life. It was novel, almost cozy. And we all knew it would be over soon and we’d be back to “normal”.

  Next came April. And I thought “OK, let’s power thru this month, and we’ll be in the clear.” I stayed hunkered down while sewing masks, donating to Feedingmerica.org, re-posting memes, and chuckling as my favorite late night TV hosts filmed from their living rooms. I was still planning our summer vacations, and booking kids in camps, because no way this thing was gonna last thru summer.

  While the kids were in “Zoom school”, and my hubby worked from home all day, I starting finding my own online classes to take. Why not? Something to do beyond baking bread. I choose ones that looked interesting, like “Emotional Freedom Technique for Reducing Anxiety”, “How to Use a Pendulum for Answers”, “Honing Your Intuition”, and “Reiki Energy Healing”. I downloaded an online course called “You Can Heal Your Life” and watched videos by leaders in the field of spirituality and consciousness. I scheduled readings with an astrologer and a psychic. I joined an amazing women’s group called “Wake Up With Your Inner Goddess“. I had no master plan. I was exploring. Led only by my curiosity to learn new things. I was having fun while staying inside my home.

  Inside My Head

  Then May. We were still shelter in place, still inside our homes. But now I also found myself inside my head asking constant questions that had no answers. Why were cases of the virus going up, not down? Why were there so many deaths? Why were people choosing not to wear masks? Why was the U.S. not getting a handle on this thing? Who was in charge? Am I really living thru a global pandemic?? What the actual fuck was going on??? Was I supposed to be cancelling my summer plans?? Was this for real?? This virus was supposed to be gone by now—where’s the “back to normal” I was promised???

  School ended the year online, with no grades. No graduations. Sports were canceled. My husband brought home a full size monitor, ergonomic chair, and printer/scanner to embellish his home office (and by office I mean the tiny space in our bedroom located directly between the bed and dresser.) He was no longer working from home–he was now living at work.

  I was also still taking classes online and expanding my knowledge of energy work, angelic realms, past lives, metaphysics, meditation, and quantum healing. I learned new words like “Kundalini”, “Akashic Records”, “Ayurveda”, “Shamanic” and “Lightworker” to name a few. I read these books:

  • A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
  • Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet
  • Raising Your Vibration: 111 Practices to Increase Your Spiritual Connection
  • Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World
  • Why Are You Sick? Practical Tools for Wellness
  • Essential Oils as Natural Remedies: The Complete A-Z Reference of Essential Oils for Health and Healing
  • The Crystal Bible
  • The Women’s Wheel of Life
  • Ayurveda Beginners Guide: Essential Ayurvedic Principles and Practices to Balance and Heal Naturally
  • The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need

  I found myself studying these books and videos as if it were required of me. Like I was preparing for some final exam. I made a binder with printouts, took notes, and journaled. I meditated daily. I attended New Moon and Full Moon ceremonies online each month. I created an inspirational bulletin board, bought crystals, purchased more oracle decks, and started making my own essential oil sprays. The whole time quenching my thirst for this knowledge, feeding my craving for understanding, furthering my insistence that the questions in my head must have answers somewhere…

  Next came June. It was officially summer and we were still officially screwed as a country. It was chaos. Some states reopened, some had never closed. Some required masks, some had protests about not wearing masks. One weekend beaches were open, the next they were closed. Some restaurants were open for outdoor seating only, others were packed with people eating and drinking. Some people believed scientists, others believed the President. The constant confusion, concern and unrest was fogging my brain. The more I tried to think of solutions the more perplexed I became.

  I cancelled all summer plans. No annual camping trip with our friends from Oregon, no annual trip back to Michigan to see family, no road trip to Yellowstone National Park. I also cancelled the kid’s camps and our community pool membership. My city cancelled all of it’s summer plans as well…no July 4th Festival, no Concerts in the Park, no May Fete parade. Summer 2020 was a complete bust.

  Since my calendar was now completely clear, I signed up to be certified in Reiki Energy Healing. I really didn’t give it much forethought–it was automatic in some way. The classes felt more like “remembering” than “learning”. The Reiki principles spoke directly to my heart. After completing levels 1 & 2 of Reiki certification, I knew energy healing was my path forward. It’s true that through chaos comes transformation, and I had found a way to transform my questions into answers. Without really knowing what I had been searching for since March, I had found energy healing. Or rather…energy healing had found me.

  Inside My Soul

  Throughout July I practiced Reiki Energy Healing on anyone and everyone who would let me…friends, neighbors, family, my cat, plants. And like the Universal Law says, the more I gave, the more I received. I received messages from my guides, my intuition heightened, I connected with spirits who had passed on, I made peace with my inner child. I literally manifested and experienced magic every single day. I had never felt so “in the flow” of life before. Everything felt effortless. So how was I doing all of this? What was I doing differently?

  What I learned is that I didn’t “do” anything. In fact, I stopped “doing”, and started “being”. I took the time confined in my house and stuck in my head, and used it to go into my soul. It wasn’t easy. At times I wanted to quit. Wasn’t my “unenlightened life” so much easier?? But I found that once I woke up, it was impossible to go back to sleep. Though I couldn’t literally travel during this time, I could travel into the depths of my soul thru meditations, shamanic journeys, and past life regressions. I let go. I gave up control. I let the universe unfold at will. I stopped searching for answers outwardly, and instead looked inward. And guess what? All the answers were right there within me all along. I learned the only real life lesson there is: we are pure light and love. That’s all there is. Everything else is an illusion.

  It’s now August. Covid rages on. There’s no end in sight. School’s about to begin again…online. We’re only half way thru 2020, which feels both too short and too long to be true. Days of the week are irrelevant. I’m letting my natural hair color grow in for the first time since high school. I stopped shaving my everything. My husband has a full beard. My kids now play video games 400 hours a day. The cat cannot figure out why we’re always home. I want all new furniture. The dishes are never ending. I miss my friends. I miss hugs.

  But we’ve made it this far. We can and will get thru this historic pandemic. Because, really, what choice do we have? So if you need me, you’ll find me deep inside my soul, sending light & love to the whole world, and practicing Reiki on anyone and everyone who will let me. See ya on the other side!

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  Posted in advice, life, love, self, soul, spirituality, Spirituality, Work Life Balance | 1 Comment

• The Fall That Woke Me

  Posted at 6:41 pm by kpodulka, on May 22, 2020

  What could have undone me, actually put me back together again. This is the story of the fall that woke me.

  I fell down, yet rose up.

  I was broken, yet made whole.

  I was still, yet moved like never before.

  I was confused, yet clarity came forth.

  I mourned what was lost, yet abundance was abound.

  I was hurting on the outside, yet healing on the inside.

  I slept all the time, yet was awake for the first time.

  I was alone, yet found solace in my own company.

  My bones were weak, yet my soul was strong.

  Ten days after my 40th birthday, I fell and shattered my left shin and ankle. It was an early Friday morning in late April 2015, and my friend and I were walking through the mall, chatting and catching up. We had just come from Starbucks, and were both holding a steaming hot cup of coffee. I was dressed for work in a cobalt blue sheath dress and super cute just-from-the-box 3-inch wedge sandals. The mall was practically empty, and eerily quiet as no stores were yet open.

  Then it happened. One minute I was walking, talking, sipping my coffee, the next minute I was flung forward, hurling my coffee in front of me, landing face first onto the floor of the mall. I didn’t slip. Didn’t trip. Didn’t stumble. Didn’t lose my footing. No one bumped into me. I literally went from being upright to being sprawled on the floor in the blink of an eye.

  The pain was immediate, intense, and all encompassing. I knew instantly that I couldn’t stand up–didn’t even attempt to. I started screaming “FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs. Repeatedly. Loudly. I could hear my fucks echoing through the empty mall corridors. As I lie there in excruciating pain, I fluctuated between feeling like I was going to vomit, and feeling like I was going to black out. I remember the fucks flying out of my mouth uncontrollably. I started apologizing to no one in particular for my vulgarity, but could not stop screaming obscenities. (Side note: I later read that “swearing activates the so-called ‘fight or flight’ response, leading to a surge of adrenaline and a subsequent pain relieving effect on our immune system.” #justified)

  As I was laid out flat on my stomach screaming, a face suddenly appeared in front of mine. It was a teenage girl, a complete stranger, who squatted down next to me and started talking to me in the most soothing, assuring voice. “You’re OK. We’re calling an ambulance. You’re OK.” I could see her mom (I assumed), my friend, and mall security in the background. She took my hand and started asking me questions. “What do you do for a living?” I answered, stammering, still swearing and swallowing vomit, “marketing”. She continued to talk to me, listen to my fucks, and reassure me. To this day I wish I knew her name. I would call her and thank her. I’d thank this young empathetic, beautiful stranger for holding my hand, staying with me, sharing my pain, and enduring my profanity. She was my angel of fucks.

  The paramedics arrived and two complete hotties flipped me over on my back and lifted me onto a gurney. That’s when I saw my ankle for the first time. Sideways. It was leaning sideways in a way that can only be described as…unnatural. I immediately demanded drugs. My screams of swears turned to screams of “MORPHINE! GIVE ME MORPHINE! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT!” Hottie #1 told me they had to check my vitals before they could administer any drugs. This did not shut me up. Once inside the ambulance, my friend called my husband to tell him what happened, and where to meet us at the hospital. Once we got to the hospital and I got my morphine, I had my friend take a photo. As one does. #priorities

  

  The next few hours were a blur (see above paragraph regarding morphine). My friend left, my husband arrived, xrays were taken, and it seemed like a million different doctors and nurses came and went. I do remember one nurse who came in, looked at my xrays, and said “My God, your leg and ankle are crushed. Were you in a car accident?”. To which I replied, “No. I was drinking coffee at the mall.”

  The hospital sent me home that day, because the swelling was too sever to operate. That car ride home was hell. Every bounce, bump, and shake sent a jolt of lightening pain through me. My left shin and ankle were a bag of loose bones wrapped up to reduce swelling. I waited a week on my couch, heavily sedated, before having reconstructive surgery to put me back together again.

  

  I spent the next 11 months either on bed rest, on a scooter, on crutches, in a boot or in physical therapy learning to walk again. Then one evening in March 2016, not quite a year since my break, I was reaching up to put a glass away in a high cupboard, and I twisted my left ankle funny. And by funny, I mean I fucking re-broke the damn thing. That same week I was back in surgery for the second time in a year. I was devastated physically, mentally, and emotionally. Back to square one. Another year of recovery and learning to walk again. Another year on the couch.

  And yet…

  

  Looking back now on that time in my life, I see what happened to me in a new, shinier light. For all the time I spent physically recovering, I also spent spiritually awakening. As my ankle was healing, so was my soul.

  I meditated for the first time, and joined a “New Moon Women’s Circle”. I found an energy healer (5 doors down from me!) who taught me about chakras, family constellations, and color therapy. I started watching the news, and caring about world events. I followed politics, learned to protest and advocate for equality. I attended the first Women’s March in Washington D.C. which was a down-right religious experience. I enrolled in my first self-help class called “The Unstoppable Program” which taught me how to be kind to myself and reclaim sparkle and joy in my life. I read a book that forever changed the way I see my parents and learned to set boundaries. I discovered the Enneagram and how to both acknowledge and work through my deepest fears. Oh, and I quit my career in soul-crushing corporate America after 20 years. Literally just left my badge and laptop on my desk and walked out forever. I started saying yes to life, and no to anxiety, guilt, silence, and staying small.

  Not that any of this was easy. The stuff that changes us at our core rarely is. My marriage hit a turning point, I lost a lot of friends, and I gained 60 pounds. Nothing in my life looks the same since I fell. It looks different. But that’s what happens when the light shifts, doesn’t it? Shadows disappear and things are clearer. I believe the Universe had to knock me over so I could stand back up. Stronger, spiritual, and shining love.

  

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  Posted in Equal Rights, feminism, life, love, poem, self, soul, Spirituality | 2 Comments | Tagged Corporate America, enneagram, feminism, injury, meditation, self help, self love, soul, soul searching, spirituality, trauma, wellness

• What a Female-Centered Society Would Look Like

  Posted at 6:49 pm by kpodulka, on February 3, 2019

  

  In our current male-centric society, everything revolves around the male’s needs, opinions, wants and desires. The female’s role is secondary, and her needs are only considered, as they relate to the male.

  For example, according to Vocabulary.com, the vagina is defined as “An opening in a woman’s body that goes back to her uterus. In sex, the man’s penis goes into the vagina.” If this was written from the female point of view, I’d wager a guess that the definition would be more about things that come out of the vagina (periods, babies) rather than what occasionally goes in it.

  If our society was female focused, there would be no tax on tampons and pads. Period-related products would be considered an absolute necessity, like prescription drugs and food. Currently, in all but 9 states, menstrual products are considered “hygiene products” like deodorant, therefore deemed non-essential. Um, my underpants beg to differ 7 days every month.

  If our society took women’s needs into consideration, all maternity leave would be paid and jobs would be secure with no repercussions. It is possible to do, just ask Denmark. Also, schools and daycare hours would align with business hours. Please tell me how I’m supposed to go to work from 8:30-6:00, while my kid goes to school from 8:00-2:45. IT DOESN’T WORK.

  If our society put women’s wants & needs first, Hollywood would have more than just 4% female directors and 15% female writers making all of the movies in 2018. This disparity perpetuates the male’s point of view. Ever notice how many damsels in distress are in movies? Or clingy girlfriends? Or buzz-kill wives? Or bitchy bosses? Or gossipy girls? If women wrote our stories, I guarantee you female characters would be portrayed as the empathetic, capable, intelligent, multi-tasking heroes that we truly are!

  If America wanted to guarantee women were equal in our society, they’d add the ERA to the constitution. For those of you who don’t know, “The Equal Rights Amendment is a proposed amendment to the United States Constitution designed to guarantee equal legal rights for all American citizens regardless of sex; it seeks to end the legal distinctions between men and women in terms of divorce, property, employment, and other matters.” The ERA was first introduced to Congress in 1923. It’s now 2019 and we STILL do not have the necessary 38 states on board for full ratification. For those of you counting, that’s 96 years of fighting to guarantee women constitutional rights equal to those of men in the United States of America. If you’re not furious yet, read more here.

  If our society was female-centric, abortion wouldn’t be a political pawn. It would be considered health care and only discussed between a patient and her doctor. Same goes for female birth control–it would be readily available with no questions asked. You know, like condoms are.

  If society put women’s needs first, women would be believed when reporting abuse and assault. Not only would women be believed, they’d be protected and receive justice. And if assailants were appropriately punished, perhaps rape stats would go down. And then maybe women could feel safe in their own skin. Currently male’s reputations and careers are valued much higher than a woman’s truth. Just ask the United States Supreme Court.

  Finally, in no particular order, in a female-centered society, there’d be: no body-shaming, no age-shaming, no slut-shaming, for-fucks-sake-just-no shaming at all, also no high heels, no Spanx, no bras. Women would have equal pay, equal respect, equal representation, equal credibility, equal opportunities, equal say, and equal rights. Is that so much to ask?

  A girl can dream, right? Fuck that–a girl can fight! fight! fight! until we achieve equality!!

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  Posted in advice, Equal Rights, feminism, life, misogyny, rape culture, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged equality, feminism, rape culture

• Peace Be With You

  Posted at 1:00 pm by kpodulka, on August 11, 2018

  

  We’ve lost the ability to be quiet. There’s noise everywhere. A constant hum of distraction. It’s more than just the sounds of traffic, pings from our devises, TVs in the background, radios in the car, undertones of conversations in restaurants…it’s literally a buzz in our brains. There’s no off-button for the constant barrage of information flung at us every moment of every day…no mute button, no silent mode. And it’s breaking us as humans. I dare say as a collective society the noise is making us overwhelmed, anxious and angry.

  Daydreaming has been replaced with brainstorming. To be caught daydreaming or “with your head in the clouds” is considered a waste of time. It’s no longer acceptable to let your mind wander just to see where it takes you. It must have a purpose, a problem that you’re solving, a new idea that you’re creating.

  A walk in nature is now for exercise. It’s to burn calories, get steps on a fitness tracker, hold a “walking-meeting” or “working-lunch”. It’s to train for a half-marathon. We wear headphones plugged into audio books, music, podcasts, or phone calls. No more walks alone just listening to the birds, wind, and trees.

  Alone time is considered selfish, lazy, or a luxury. We have to schedule time to relax, and make excuses to prove we’ve earned it–we have to be so totally burnt out and “in-desperate need” of quiet time that it’s acceptable.

  Vacations are either not taken, or as much work as normal life. Vacations are jammed-packed with activities, sightseeing, and tourist attractions. Plus most of us still check-in with the office from a so-called-vacation. Which, by definition, is work, not vacation.

  So here’s my idea: Let’s go on a quest for quiet…for true peace of mind…for slow, free-flowing thoughts with no agenda. No interruptions. No goals. Let’s wander thru the woods and listen. Let’s sit under a tree and watch the leaves sway. Let’s pick the blades of grass and feel them tickle our toes. Let’s contemplate, soul search, reflect. Let’s stare at the ocean and feel its rhythm in our blood. Lets turn off the TVs, devices, podcasts, music. Let’s hum to ourselves. Make our own music. Let’s listen to our breathing, close our eyes, and sink into ourselves. Let’s tap into our internal peace and quiet. Turn off our hamster-wheel brains. Make no excuses for our silence and solitude. Just be alone in our own skin. To do this is human. To deny this is to deny our own humanity.

  Peace out.

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  Posted in advice, life, self, soul, Work Life Balance | 1 Comment | Tagged advice, balance, believe, meditation, relax, soul

• Dear Lily & Kate

  Posted at 1:47 pm by kpodulka, on May 18, 2018

  

  Hello Girls,

  It’s me, your mama. It’s taken me almost 15 years to sit down and write to you both. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long. It’s not that I don’t think about you…I do. It’s just that for so many years when I did think about you, I got angry. Angry that you left me. I didn’t want to express that anger towards you, either of you, so I waited until I understood. Understood, that it wasn’t your fault–it was nobody’s fault. It was simply the way it was meant to be.

  Lily, we first met in 2003, but only spent 12 weeks together. I was so thrilled to welcome you into my life! My joy was like none I had ever felt. I was over the moon that you had arrived!! And so was your Dad. Though we kept your arrival a secret, we immediately began making plans for you…where you would stay, who we would visit, and everything we would teach you. I took such good care of you, do you remember that? I fed you and made sure you got plenty of rest. And we talked! We talked all day long, and we talked every night…our secret talks that no one else heard. We bonded instantly. I loved you instantly. We were always together–inseparable. Until we weren’t. That horrible, horrible day that I found out you had left. You really surprised me! I wasn’t expecting you to leave–ever. I didn’t believe it when the ultrasound technician told me that you were gone. Devastated isn’t a strong enough word. I was suddenly alone again. By myself. Empty. I couldn’t stop questioning why you would leave. Was it something I had done? Did I hurt you in some way? Was it my fault??? Oh Lily! I wish we would have had more time together. I wish I could have been your mama on this earth, to hold you and kiss you. But it’s OK my sweet girl, I’m no longer angry or alone. Because you are with me. You never left entirely. You still exist in my cells, my heart and my soul. I love you Lily and we will always be together.

  And Kate. My dear Kate. You came quickly and as such a surprise! I was so busy with your 1-year old brother Ryan, that I was caught completely off guard at your arrival! In fact, Ryan was the first person I told about you. I gleefully announced to him that he was going to be a big brother. I told your Dad that evening when he came home and our family of 3 cheered for you and loved you instantly. We lived in Amsterdam at the time, and I told all of my friends about you too. Everyone was so, so happy that you had joined us. You felt our love, didn’t you?? I gave you enough attention, right?? I know I didn’t give you as much rest as I could have, but life was so busy then. The day you left, I went numb. Ice ran thru my veins. I actually saw a picture of you, briefly, but it was only your body–your soul had already moved on. That’s the weird thing Kate, you left your body behind in my body. I kept wondering if you didn’t really mean to leave? If you were hanging on?? But it was me hanging on, wasn’t it? You knew you weren’t ready for this earth, but I couldn’t understand that. It took almost 2 more months for your body to leave mine. Excruciating isn’t a strong enough word. I did not want to let go. I fought so hard to keep you with me, but I know now that our time together was meant to be brief. It took me a very long time to get over losing you. Thankfully your brother, father and all our friends were there to help me. So Kate, thank you for our time together. Though fleeting, you live on in my mind, and in the minds of all who knew about you.

  This isn’t goodbye my loves. This is a hello. A hello from down here to you both up there. Though our time together as one body was brief, our souls are forever intertwined. Let’s keep having our secret conversations, OK? I love you both so much.

  Always,

  Your Mama

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  Posted in life, love, miscarriage, Parenting, soul | 9 Comments | Tagged advice, kids, love, miscarriage, Parenting, soul

• Inside Out

  Posted at 9:40 am by kpodulka, on May 17, 2018

  

  My shield has cracked,

  My heart has split.

  Real is seeping out.

  Quick! Should I clean it up?

  What if it makes a mess?

  Yes…what if?

  But it’s my mess! Aren’t I the only one who can clean it?

  Isn’t it just easier to not make the mess in the first place? Keep it all in, neat and tidy?

  But it’s too late for that.

  My walls are leaking.

  Real is seeping.

  Once it starts to ooze, it can’t be forced back it.

  It’s so unruly.

  So, I guess for now you’ll see my mess.

  What’s that you say?

  You have your own mess too?

  Everyone does?

  oh.

  My mask is shattered.

  The floodgates are open.

  Real is seeping out.

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  Posted in advice, life, love, poem, self, soul | 2 Comments | Tagged inner beauty, inner strength, self love, soul, soul searching

• When I’m Queen of the World

  Posted at 6:28 pm by kpodulka, on March 29, 2018

  

  At some point in the future, I plan to be in charge of everything. No idea exactly how that’s gonna go down, but minor details are such a bore. And just so you know, the world will be run much differently. As the self-proclaimed Queen of the World, this shall be my decree:

  People will be valued by their integrity first and foremost. Honor will be bestowed to the most honest and charitable people across the lands.

  Teachers, nurses, doctors, child and elderly caretakers, scientists, environmentalists, researchers, and those who care for the underprivileged will be the highest paid jobs. Entertainment jobs (professional sports players, TV/movie stars, musical stars, authors, comedians, etc.) will all be unpaid and voluntary.

  Guns will no longer exist.

  In order to apply for any job, resumes, LinkedIn, networking, nepotism, back-room deals, and who-you-know will all be obsolete. The only application accepted for a job will be submission of your astrological birth chart. Resumes lie–the stars don’t.

  People will go back to living in open villages instead of single-family homes. Living in isolation with lack of humanity and community has destroyed us as a species. We are communal creatures. We are not meant to be held captive in houses and buildings of brick and glass, staring at electric screens all day. Nor are we meant to be away from nature endless hours every day driving alone in our enclosed vehicles of steel and rubber. It’s made us angry.

  Nuclear weapons will no longer exist.

  Women will be cherished for their ability to give life. Their menstrual cycles will be treated with regard and respect, not mocked and ridiculed. Pregnancies will be treated like the miracles for which they are. The birthing process will be a celebration of life for both the baby and the mother, filled with love and support, not guilt and anxiety. No mother will be forced back to work until she is ready, no mother will be made to feel guilty for how she chooses to feed her baby, and no mother will be shamed for the glorious way in which her body changes after creating a life.

  Freedom of religion will be a real thing, not a political talking point. No wars will be fought over who we pray to, which book we worship from, or what we believe in. The point is simply to believe.

  Happiness in life will be measured by what we cannot see. It will not be measured by status, wealth, stature or material possessions.

  Our water and air will be clean, our food will be chemical free, our children will be safe, cancer and all other disease will be eradicated, overpopulation won’t be an issue, crime will stop, racism will end, pets will live forever, heartbreak won’t hurt, flowers will bloom every season, Birthday wishes will all come true and love will conquer all.

   

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  Posted in advice, Equal Rights, feminism, life, love, Parenting, social media, Work Life Balance | 0 Comments | Tagged advice, believe, body image, breastfeeding, diet, double standard, feminism, food, hollywood, kids, love, Parenting, Sexism, travel, women's movement, Working Women

• Facebook Detox

  Posted at 1:49 pm by kpodulka, on March 24, 2018

  I deleted the Facebook app off my phone today. It felt waaay too much like chopping a limb off my own body, so yeah, pretty good sign I made the right choice. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t like delete-delete my entire account. Don’t be insane. You can’t just break a 10 year addiction without professional help. I can still log into my account from a desktop, but ugh, that takes so much effort. So deleting the app is a solid first step in my recovery process.

  

  I leave this here so no one has to go cold turkey without my cat FB posts. I’m not heartless.

  There are obvious reasons for going on a Facebook elimination diet, and this is just off the top of my head: election interference, foreign hackers, data theft, privacy violations, trolls, bots, fake news, manic influx of news, FOMO, humble-bragging, straight-up-bragging, cyber bullying, cyber stalking, cyber adultery, super-creepy targeted ads, emojis replacing emotions, time-wasting, brain-sucking, soul-sucking, the juxtaposition of feeling both connected to people and disconnected from people at the same time, fake profiles, and real profiles which portray perfectly curated lives that make us feel horribly inadequate even though those people totally have problems too but who’s gonna post about a shitty life so it’s all just fake anyway.

  OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES??? THE VERY FABRIC OF SOCIETY IS SHREDDING IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!!!

  I had every intention of following the list of awful things with a list of good things, but now I’m at a loss. Seriously. I was going to say I love Facebook because it connects me to long-lost friends, but email and phone calls do that. And I’d argue they do it better–they are intentional and personal. Whereas a Facebook post is mass communication. OK, sure, you post on “your” wall to “your” friends–all one thousand four hundred and twelve of your “friends”. And maybe 12 comment. Awesome. Great connecting with you Jane from high school–I feel totally caught up on your life and can see that you’re doing well by the thumbs up you placed below the photo of my cat. Ahh, the warm fuzzy of human connections, am I right???

  And I was going to say I love Facebook for all the fun banter and photos of friend’s lives, but you know where else I can have fun banter and see my friend’s lives??? IN REAL LIFE. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna get off my couch now and reintroduce myself to the world.

  Maybe detoxing Facebook isn’t going to be nearly as difficult as I thought…

  

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  Posted in advice, life, social media, Work Life Balance | 0 Comments | Tagged #deletefacebook, detox, fake news, social media, trolls

• Rude Feminist

  Posted at 11:33 pm by kpodulka, on March 17, 2018

  

  I’m getting the message loud and clear from men in my life that I am in fact being a rude feminist these days. Gasp! They say this to me with very serious, pointed faces–like they expect me to do something about it. To apologize and fix the “situation” tut suite. The situation of course being my rudeness itself, and not the actual issue we’re discussing. Oh no, it’s the way in which I’m discussing the topic that is causing their frustration. And I’m finding that the men in my life do not like feeling frustrated. I understand this is all new for them.  This whole “a-woman-speaking-her-mind-how-dare-she-but-of-course-I-support-her-it’s-just-she-doesn’t-have-to-use-that-tone-of-voice-or-get-emotional-geesh”. Let’s see if I can help the guys a bit with this whole new-fangled feminist thing, shall I?

  “But what about MY feelings????”, an actual man in my life

  I guess I’ll be the one to break it to you guys: the feminist movement isn’t about you. I really thought this was obvious, but christ-on-a-cracker, apparently it needs to be said. The fight for women’s equality does not take into account men’s thoughts, opinions, or feelings. At all. I don’t care if you think mansplaining is a real thing or an impolite term. Because it is real to me and I’m done being polite. I don’t care if you’re annoyed when I say “do not interrupt me”. If you stop interrupting me, neither of us will be annoyed. Women are 50% of the U.S. population and leading the feminist movement. We are coining the terms, writing the books, organizing the groups, raising the money, and creating the change we want to see. We got this. Honestly, we don’t have the time, energy, nor inclination to run everything by you first. We welcome men as allies of course, but to be clear, an ally is someone who stands by our side and says “how can I help?”. An ally is not someone looking to prove their point, argue their side, or question the cause. Either get on board or get out of our way.

  “So you’re just giving up on your looks then?”, another actual man in my life

  Apparently I can be a feminist as long as I keep up appearances.  At least according to one man in my life who noticed (and felt the need to comment) on the fact that I don’t wear as much makeup as I used to. He accused me of “giving up”. He chose a child’s birthday party to say this to me, and being the polite feminist that I’m supposed to be, I did not unload on this guy in public. (I’m just blogging about it for the whole world to read now. I know, SO RUDE!) Here’s what I wanted to say: Yep, you’re right. I’m giving up. I’m giving up spending thousands of dollars a year on an industry which thrives on women’s insecurities. An industry run by wealthy men, perpetuating women’s fears of growing old, and valuing looks over all else. An industry which teaches women that their identity is about how their outward appearance appeals to others…How to be “presentable”, to “put on their face”, to “cover their imperfections”, to “appear ageless”, to “turn back time”, to “restore a youthful glow”. What an utter load of crap. Women age. We all age. It’s natural and I’m choosing to embrace it. In addition to saving money by not buying makeup, I’m saving time. I used to spend hours each day putting on and taking off makeup. It was a chore for me and I loathed it. So, yes, I am giving up. I’m giving up fighting mother nature and the inevitable splendor of aging. I’m giving up a daily routine that drained me in more ways than one. So if you’ll excuse me, I hear there’s a pinata at this party and I need to smash something.

  “But do you have to be crass about it?”, some guy I don’t have time for

  It was recently pointed out to me that having my period each month is rude. More specifically, asking a co-worker if they have a tampon in an open office space, with both male and female ears around, is rude. It’s crass to ask in a normal volume voice for sanitary supplies. I guess I’m supposed to be embarrassed and shy, whispering only to my female colleagues, like a 12-year old girl spreading gossip in class. That way she can slip me a tampon like a $50 bill given to the maitre d for a table near the window. TOP SECRET! I call bullshit on this one big time. How is asking for a tampon any different from asking for a Kleenex or band-aid? All 3 are used to soak up blood. Just because men don’t use tampons, they’re taboo to speak of in a professional setting? I didn’t saying anything gross. I simply asked for a tampon. Besides, men talk about periods whenever they want to, and it’s socially acceptable in any setting. Any of these sound familiar ladies: “Why are you crying, are you on the rag?”, “She had blood coming out of her wherever”,  “She’s totally pms-ing”, “You’re so hormonal, must be that time of the month”, “I think you must need some chocolate”. Double standard be damned. I will continue to openly talk about my menstrual product needs. Now pass me a neon pink wrapped tampon, so I can non-discreetly hold it on my way to the bathroom.

  “You used to be much easier to talk to”, a guy I used to know

  I know, right? What a bummer that I’m now asserting myself, and actually saying what I’m thinking. It’s super off-putting and inconvenient for the men in my life. The poor guys! “I’m afraid to set you off,” they cry. I totally get it dudes. A woman with an opinion is a scary, unpredictable thing. Two-way communication–whaaaaat????? I’m sure you had it much easier when I agreed with everything you said. When I listened with rapt attention to your stories. When I blindly let you explain things to me which I already knew. When you answered questions for me that I never even asked. When you interrupted me so much that I just gave up and let you take over the conversation. When I let you tell me my opinion was wrong and why. When you gave me directions that I never asked for. When I told you I had to leave but you kept talking for 20 minutes because my time is worthless. When I cooked you an entire meal and as you ate it proceeded to explain the recipe to me. When you talked right over me, drowning out the sound of my own voice and dignity. When I worried if my tone would offend you even though yours was condescending as hell. When I made sure to smile at you the whole conversation. When you repeatedly said, “you understand, right?” and I just smiled and nodded. Yes, I can see how losing all of those past pleasantries are hard for you. In fact, I’m sure you find this entire post irritating, condescending and bitchy. I promise you it’s not out of intentional rudeness or retaliation. It’s out of a new-found freedom in my feminism. And as I stated at the beginning, it’s not about you. It’s only about me.

  “What must your husband think of all this???”, a modern-day caveman

  No comment.

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  Posted in advice, Equal Rights, feminism, life, misogyny | 0 Comments | Tagged ally, double standard, feminism, mansplaining, misogyny, Sexism, women's movement

• International Women’s Day–The Day After

  Posted at 10:51 pm by kpodulka, on March 9, 2018

  My latest video explains why the women’s movement needs more than just one day in which we come together and demand change. I outline specific issues and actions that each and every one of us can begin doing today! Comment below or email me if you’d like to learn more. Join the movement–every single effort matters.

   

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  Posted in Equal Rights, feminism, life, misogyny, rape culture | 2 Comments | Tagged advice, ally, body image, Corporate America, daughters, diet, double standard, hollywood, International Women's Day, Intuitive Eating, meetoo, misogyny, rape culture, ReeceWitherspoon, Sex Ed, Sex Education, Sexism, timesup, Wage Gap, women's movement, Working Women

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